Interns are the best thing to ever happen to the entry level job holder. There is someone lower then you on the totem poll for once. When you tell them to do something you can put on the act about how you feel bad for asking them to file and staple things, but really you don't. You are cool to them, because you are official yet you can still relate. You my friend become the entry level superstar when the intern comes rolling around.
Now that I am one step up on from the entry level superstar, the intern becomes the reminder that you should be doing more work. My intern for example can complete a task list that I wouldn't even attempt in one day. Then he sits, eyes wide, all innocently pleading for more work. Basically I want to tell the kid, "Hey there is this thing called the internet, why don't you peruse it for awhile." I should have known better when I came in hungover a week ago and was trying to give that old, "Rough night last night huh" and he responded with "Yeah I know, my sister and I went and saw the new Nancy Drew Movie".
Seriously buddy, The Nancy Drew movie, why don't you just make it more apparent that I am satan and a horrible influence on your poor soul. He didn't even know the Chicago sports teams, even though he grew up here, or who Matthew Broderick was.... Ferris Bueller people.... I was about to swoop in and save this poor lost 2o something from complete social idiocy, when I remembered I was the boss. I can't take this kid out for a beer and baseball, I can't even tell him I am hungover.
Just when I was feeling bad for this kid who was spiraling into the depths social suicide, I stumbled upon his facebook page (cleverly hidden under another name). He knows who Ferris Bueller is, its listed as one of his favorite movies. Nancy Drew my ass, he was out boozing it up at the very college bar I am a legend (in my own mind) at. I had been duped. It was all an act. His pseudonym "Aaron" loves to go clubbing and chill with his girl Leah, he belongs to the Bordo's free happy hour group, and claims to be the flippy cup champ.
And so it begins, I am heading down the slippery slope of adulthood, no longer cool enough to be on the inside track. Student workers look at me as the boss man, they don't tell me whats really up, just the candy coated version. And damn are they good at it. I truly believed this kid had no social life (due in my mind to being raised and still living in the far burbs of chicago). Next thing you know he will be getting the promotions and this will all be an episode of the Office.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
The Intern
So I am in an episode of The Office I am pretty sure. I hired an Intern last week and realized quickly that my power of delegation is making me the Captain Marvel of this office. (Wow who wrote that, they must be a huge nerd) Anywho... through my wit matched only by my laziness I have manage to turn my intern and myself into an unstoppable Alumni Relation machine. We get so much done in a day its ridiculous. Yes, don't worry I still manage to read tmz, blog, read cnn, blog, read the times, oh and blog.
Now to that episode of the office scenario. Every time I tell this kid (and by kid I mean the person sitting across from me who is no more than a year younger than me) to do anything, I feel like a complete jack ass. When I tell him to file, I feel bad, when I tell him to send out an email, I have him send it to me first. Oh and I spill coffee on myself at least twice a day, mostly when I trip over his computer cord sending his lap top flying towards me. (Yes we share an office and it is humiliating, as my Bear Window (see the office window blog) is glaring at me from behind his head.
Yesterday I had to introduce him to everyone on the floor, I know maybe three people on my floor. So here we are walking around the floor and here I am reading verbatim off so and so's name plate. This is Bob Smith, Bob is our VP of Advancement (Bob has no clue who I am and thinks I am the intern, rough). Then we get to a door where there is no name plate and the jig is up. I wait for no-name to introduce herself and tell him her job title, then as to not look like I didn't know it, I say: Linda works for the President, if you need things signed you go to her. (In other words reiterating what she just said)
Did I mention he is a health freak, he eats well, drinks water, probably works out. Meanwhile, ol' boss lady drinks her coffee and diet coke and is so hungover she needed a Starbucks breakfast sandwich this morning. Thats the other thing, he is perky and ready to work when he gets in, leaving me to look like a slacker as I enjoy my coffee and breakfast sandwich while catching up on todays most important story "Is She or Isn't She: Nicole Richie's Pregnancy". Hard hitting news I tell ya.
And to make matters worse, all I can think about is that damn new Harry Potter Movie and the book. I know I am going to be that person at the water cooler who doesn't make it to the movie this weekend and therefore gets everything ruined for them. Damn you water cooler harry potter loving gossip girls and boys, damn you! So I will just die of dehydration instead because i am too cheap to purchase bottled water.
Ok this blog is getting a bit lengthy and out of hand, so I sign off this morning a little less productive, slightly dirty (damn coffee), and most of all back to my blogging glory!
Now to that episode of the office scenario. Every time I tell this kid (and by kid I mean the person sitting across from me who is no more than a year younger than me) to do anything, I feel like a complete jack ass. When I tell him to file, I feel bad, when I tell him to send out an email, I have him send it to me first. Oh and I spill coffee on myself at least twice a day, mostly when I trip over his computer cord sending his lap top flying towards me. (Yes we share an office and it is humiliating, as my Bear Window (see the office window blog) is glaring at me from behind his head.
Yesterday I had to introduce him to everyone on the floor, I know maybe three people on my floor. So here we are walking around the floor and here I am reading verbatim off so and so's name plate. This is Bob Smith, Bob is our VP of Advancement (Bob has no clue who I am and thinks I am the intern, rough). Then we get to a door where there is no name plate and the jig is up. I wait for no-name to introduce herself and tell him her job title, then as to not look like I didn't know it, I say: Linda works for the President, if you need things signed you go to her. (In other words reiterating what she just said)
Did I mention he is a health freak, he eats well, drinks water, probably works out. Meanwhile, ol' boss lady drinks her coffee and diet coke and is so hungover she needed a Starbucks breakfast sandwich this morning. Thats the other thing, he is perky and ready to work when he gets in, leaving me to look like a slacker as I enjoy my coffee and breakfast sandwich while catching up on todays most important story "Is She or Isn't She: Nicole Richie's Pregnancy". Hard hitting news I tell ya.
And to make matters worse, all I can think about is that damn new Harry Potter Movie and the book. I know I am going to be that person at the water cooler who doesn't make it to the movie this weekend and therefore gets everything ruined for them. Damn you water cooler harry potter loving gossip girls and boys, damn you! So I will just die of dehydration instead because i am too cheap to purchase bottled water.
Ok this blog is getting a bit lengthy and out of hand, so I sign off this morning a little less productive, slightly dirty (damn coffee), and most of all back to my blogging glory!
Thursday, June 7, 2007
emote my foot!
Once again, I have to thank Helen E. for her way of always inspiring these blogs. Todays subject, what is it with 50 something (aka my parents, aunts, uncles, bosses etc.) and emoticons.
Exhibit A: Email from Aunt Joane
I know with the holiday approaching
…Cory and Ryan are beginning to salivate knowing what’s ahead! Fortunately for Kate – she sampled and approved the Strawberry Salad – so we gave her the final approval to enter the family. Congratulations to both Kate and Joe for their faithful journey. Kate will “officially” enter the Catholic Church at the Easter Vigil on Saturday night. 
Can we say obnoxious! I mean honestly, the font size (which I scaled down from wait for it 35pt. to fit on my blog), the unecessary knowledge of emoticons, the fact that Jimmy was in London not Spain so what's with the hola guy, I mean really! Next thing I know my mom has caught on. A conversation with a friend earlier today explains it best:
friend: there's a really funny article in today's nytimes about facebook
The article she directed me to was about a mom joining Facebook. Unnecessary Moms and Dads of the world, try talking to your kid and being involved with their life so you don't have to spy on them! My mom topped this off by joining google's gchat for gmail users. She now sends me the annoying emoticons on a hourly basis just to erk me.
Exhibit B: Conversation with mom this morning:
me: hi mom, quick question about cleveland this weekend
mom: whats up :)
me: is it casual?
mom: yup :) :)
me: unnecessary use of the smilies mom cut it out.
I then get an email that looks like this moments later:
Dear Beth:
:) :( :? :/ :] :o
Love <3>
Mom xoxoxox
Enough said. Lay off the emoticons people!
Exhibit A: Email from Aunt Joane
I know with the holiday approaching
Neeners and Big Al (and gang – Kristen, Jimmy, Caroline, Meg, Shannon, Nick, Jake and ?) will all be coming in town this year!
I’m trying to accommodate the majority for “meal time” - I’m thinking early afternoon
(1:00 or 2:00) but would like to hear from everyone as to departure times, nap times (that includes Grandpa) and favorite time!
We filled the living room with a beautiful new pool table and Bryan is putting the finishing touches on the back patio. (lighting and waterfall) Pray for nice weather.
I’m so excited to have everyone here – especially the new arrival – Emmy! I haven’t seen her yet – but the Grandma’s are sure bragging!
Food assignments will be sent out once I hear everyone and firm up “brunch” or “lunch”
Study Hard and we look forward to having you home! Of course – we will miss Jimbo
Although from the looks of his picture file – he’s seeing plenty of Europe. (Jimmy – put yourself in a picture or two – we want to be sure there’s no beer belly!)
Looking forward to having my girls home soon too!
Love – Aunt Joane or Mom or Joane – depending who is reading this!
Can we say obnoxious! I mean honestly, the font size (which I scaled down from wait for it 35pt. to fit on my blog), the unecessary knowledge of emoticons, the fact that Jimmy was in London not Spain so what's with the hola guy, I mean really! Next thing I know my mom has caught on. A conversation with a friend earlier today explains it best:
friend: there's a really funny article in today's nytimes about facebook
11:25 AM me: such a peg leg (my mother) move
she is all into emoticons right now its annoying
friend: hahahahaha
emoticons
11:26 AM i'm telling my mom that exact sentence
11:27 AM me: seriously jimmy thought she was drunk when she im'd him in london one night because she was using all emoticons to communicate
friend: hahahahahaha
me: and now she is on google chat, outrageous
friend: i'm going to lose my job for laughing too loud
The article she directed me to was about a mom joining Facebook. Unnecessary Moms and Dads of the world, try talking to your kid and being involved with their life so you don't have to spy on them! My mom topped this off by joining google's gchat for gmail users. She now sends me the annoying emoticons on a hourly basis just to erk me.
Exhibit B: Conversation with mom this morning:
me: hi mom, quick question about cleveland this weekend
mom: whats up :)
me: is it casual?
mom: yup :) :)
me: unnecessary use of the smilies mom cut it out.
I then get an email that looks like this moments later:
Dear Beth:
:) :( :? :/ :] :o
Love <3>
Mom xoxoxox
Enough said. Lay off the emoticons people!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Since I don't Have a Window
Window One
Window Two
Window Three
Its time to vote folks:
Since I don't have a window in my new office (I like to call the cave), I would like you all to vote for the creation you would like to see on my wall as my new fake window. You can only vote once I am afraid.
Enjoy!
so long summer....
Wahoo... I am back, I know how you all missed me so. Good news, more blogs, bad news more blogs. I have a new job, with a new office, with a new door, which means............... I can close people out! So if you like it or not, doesn't matter because I will be writing more!
On to the good stuff:
This weekend was the cross town series in Chicago. For those of you not from Chicago and can't seem to infer the meaning from above, the cross town series means the Cubs vs. the Socks. The Cubs won :). This year it was held in our hood at Wrigley Field. Making my neighborhood a prime location for people watching.
On Saturday night we went to the infamous Cubby Bear, a favorite post game hangout. My favorite cover band of all time Wedding Banned was playing there and I wasn't about to let a couple of hoodlums and yuppies scare me away. And despite what both teams fans say, socks fans are straight up hoodlums and cubs fans are straight up yuppies, neither wins in my mind. As we looked around the room waiting for the band to appear. We watched as two socks fans decked out in their sideways hates with all the tags still on (don't get it) did a little head bob to Eminem. All the yuppies around them looked in disgust. Soon after some Kelly Clarkson tune came on and sure enough the yuppie girls were screaming and jumping while one of the sox's buddies imitated shooting himself in the head with his fingers. The night was going to get interesting.
And it did, Wedding Banned appeared on stage, (check to see if they are coming to your town because they are amazing), and rocked a great set. By the end of it, the sox boys and the cubby's girls were making out, now how is that for a cross town peace treaty.
Ok off to work, I leave for LA in less the 24 hours so I better get cooking.
On to the good stuff:
This weekend was the cross town series in Chicago. For those of you not from Chicago and can't seem to infer the meaning from above, the cross town series means the Cubs vs. the Socks. The Cubs won :). This year it was held in our hood at Wrigley Field. Making my neighborhood a prime location for people watching.
On Saturday night we went to the infamous Cubby Bear, a favorite post game hangout. My favorite cover band of all time Wedding Banned was playing there and I wasn't about to let a couple of hoodlums and yuppies scare me away. And despite what both teams fans say, socks fans are straight up hoodlums and cubs fans are straight up yuppies, neither wins in my mind. As we looked around the room waiting for the band to appear. We watched as two socks fans decked out in their sideways hates with all the tags still on (don't get it) did a little head bob to Eminem. All the yuppies around them looked in disgust. Soon after some Kelly Clarkson tune came on and sure enough the yuppie girls were screaming and jumping while one of the sox's buddies imitated shooting himself in the head with his fingers. The night was going to get interesting.
And it did, Wedding Banned appeared on stage, (check to see if they are coming to your town because they are amazing), and rocked a great set. By the end of it, the sox boys and the cubby's girls were making out, now how is that for a cross town peace treaty.
Ok off to work, I leave for LA in less the 24 hours so I better get cooking.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Bad News Bears
So once again its been awhile. With good excuse this time. I got a new job! No more Evil wench who like voldemort shall go unnamed. Wow I will try to keep the dork references to a minimum from now on.
First off Kickball:
yes kickball folks, I am the proud captain of Jorts optional. An homage to Jean Shorts and all things denim. Jean Shoes, hats, fanny packs, you got jean we got jean, now if only we had Jeanie on the team. Wow what kind of Dr. Seuss crap was that. Anywho, Jorts for short is by far the first team in the league, mostly my fault. We are hung over, unorganized, lacking a uniform, our pitcher and most of the outfield chain smokes, and we don't believe in running. We are also philosophically opposed (as teammate Scott would say) to acting or communicating like a team. On the up side, we have a damn good time losing! Just call us the Bad News Bears.
Up Next:
my new job: lots of travel + lots of airport people watching= hilarity will ensue
Last but not least:
http://www.eagleforum.org/misc/descript.html (huh?) yeah that's what I said too, if anyone cares to possibly understand this mixed up platform please explain. Scott I know you will be all over it.
P.S.: Never give your real phone number and fake name to the same person, it doesn't work out well. damn you alter-ego Jen, damn you.... More to come soon.
First off Kickball:
yes kickball folks, I am the proud captain of Jorts optional. An homage to Jean Shorts and all things denim. Jean Shoes, hats, fanny packs, you got jean we got jean, now if only we had Jeanie on the team. Wow what kind of Dr. Seuss crap was that. Anywho, Jorts for short is by far the first team in the league, mostly my fault. We are hung over, unorganized, lacking a uniform, our pitcher and most of the outfield chain smokes, and we don't believe in running. We are also philosophically opposed (as teammate Scott would say) to acting or communicating like a team. On the up side, we have a damn good time losing! Just call us the Bad News Bears.
Up Next:
my new job: lots of travel + lots of airport people watching= hilarity will ensue
Last but not least:
http://www.eagleforum.org/misc/descript.html (huh?) yeah that's what I said too, if anyone cares to possibly understand this mixed up platform please explain. Scott I know you will be all over it.
P.S.: Never give your real phone number and fake name to the same person, it doesn't work out well. damn you alter-ego Jen, damn you.... More to come soon.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Setting Sail to the high seas on one hell of a motely cruise!
http://www.bestweekever.tv/2007/04/11/sailing-failure/
Um. check please, I am off to sail the mighty seas with non-other the boys of motely crue.... Ok maybe if I had the money or was willing to sell my first child, I would . I guess I lack the dedication of a true eighties metal fan, but I mean come on most girls my age in the height of the 80s wanted to marry prince charming, I wanted to marry the guy who was re-paving our drive way because of his slight resemblance to Jon Bon Jovi.
Possibly the most witty blog observation ever made was by the best week ever staff to include the last paragraph in which RATT became RAT after losing a member and the new bassist was a native of Kansas City (who lives there really.... crickets crickets.... me looking guilty, and slow hand up) and a gym teach no less.
Some days I love my job, this one, why because I read this story. No I didn't cure cancer, or get someones' tax return done on time, or even save a little kitten from a tree, but hey we all can't be productive, creativity would suffer greatly.
As I read this article I imagined myself taking to the high seas with my girls Tiffany and crystal (standard). We would be wearing our day-glow bikinis, our mesh midriffs, our short shorts, are amazingly styled crimped and curly big hair blown in the wind. I would be with the Jon look alike of course (now a bit older and sporting a balding mullet and a fringe coated to tight leather jacket). My friends would be with their husbands that used to look like the twins from Nelson (gotta love that reference) but now kind of look like fat hulk hogans rocking the nascar jackets. We would sip on wine coolers and work on our tans, all while showing off our his and her superman tats (an homage to Jon) while Tiffany shows of her rose with thorns wrapped in a chain, representing her love for poison. We would eagerly await the chance to launch our bikini tops at the stage wishing Skid Row could have made it. Not to mention the champagne of beers (name it and I will give you a penny) cascading down a waterfall so all you have to do is tilt you head back and enjoy.
At some point Larry (the bon jovi look-a-like) would stand on a table and ask everyone if they wanted to see the tiger grrrroooowl, much to my horror the tiger was a belly tattoo, the table would buckle, break and we'd be off to our room. When back at our room we would upon arrival trash the place, like true rockers do. Who cares where this cruise is heading, in my dream it must be heaven.
Happy Friday All. Sweet Dreams of Tiger Tattoos and Rocking Balding Mullets.
Um. check please, I am off to sail the mighty seas with non-other the boys of motely crue.... Ok maybe if I had the money or was willing to sell my first child, I would . I guess I lack the dedication of a true eighties metal fan, but I mean come on most girls my age in the height of the 80s wanted to marry prince charming, I wanted to marry the guy who was re-paving our drive way because of his slight resemblance to Jon Bon Jovi.
Possibly the most witty blog observation ever made was by the best week ever staff to include the last paragraph in which RATT became RAT after losing a member and the new bassist was a native of Kansas City (who lives there really.... crickets crickets.... me looking guilty, and slow hand up) and a gym teach no less.
Some days I love my job, this one, why because I read this story. No I didn't cure cancer, or get someones' tax return done on time, or even save a little kitten from a tree, but hey we all can't be productive, creativity would suffer greatly.
As I read this article I imagined myself taking to the high seas with my girls Tiffany and crystal (standard). We would be wearing our day-glow bikinis, our mesh midriffs, our short shorts, are amazingly styled crimped and curly big hair blown in the wind. I would be with the Jon look alike of course (now a bit older and sporting a balding mullet and a fringe coated to tight leather jacket). My friends would be with their husbands that used to look like the twins from Nelson (gotta love that reference) but now kind of look like fat hulk hogans rocking the nascar jackets. We would sip on wine coolers and work on our tans, all while showing off our his and her superman tats (an homage to Jon) while Tiffany shows of her rose with thorns wrapped in a chain, representing her love for poison. We would eagerly await the chance to launch our bikini tops at the stage wishing Skid Row could have made it. Not to mention the champagne of beers (name it and I will give you a penny) cascading down a waterfall so all you have to do is tilt you head back and enjoy.
At some point Larry (the bon jovi look-a-like) would stand on a table and ask everyone if they wanted to see the tiger grrrroooowl, much to my horror the tiger was a belly tattoo, the table would buckle, break and we'd be off to our room. When back at our room we would upon arrival trash the place, like true rockers do. Who cares where this cruise is heading, in my dream it must be heaven.
Happy Friday All. Sweet Dreams of Tiger Tattoos and Rocking Balding Mullets.
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